Weight Update!

In the last few weeks I've really wanted to lose my weight again. Since moving back with my parents a few months ago, I've been going up in weight, sometimes down or the same, but mostly up and it's been scaring me more and more since I'm now the heaviest I've been since 2010.

Three weeks ago I decided to post my weight loss and gain on Facebook every week and decided to do it each Friday. It started off really well, but the last two weeks I've been gaining weight and staying the same.

I'm someone who will go from one extreme to the other, and once I've got my mind set on something, I become obsessed and very impatient about it, this is in regards to anything in life, it doesn't matter what.

The problem is, I can't seem to get my mind to get into that mindset when it comes to my weight. I know I need the gym more than anything else, I avoid carbs when I'm at home, limit myself to eat and allow myself to drink fizzy drinks (Only if I crave it, and only if I'm willing to go downstairs for a few sips from the bottle) until 19:00, then it's no food and only water after that point.

I write a diary entry every day to record what I've done for the day and what I've eaten, I weigh myself every day and I suffer from bad water retention, since living with my parents I've become increasingly lazy and unable to have my own diet as my parents have a very different diet to mine and I can't afford to buy all my own food, I go by my own rule that if I don't buy bad food then I won't eat it either, sadly my parents don't follow this rule and there's always something to satisfy a craving, even if it's comfort eating. I also believe in using a smaller plate so you don't eat more than you should. This includes avoiding piling it up as well.

So I resorted to posting my weight and how much I've lost and gained in public, as a punishment or reward to myself; I can either move my ass and lose weight in order to gain praise, or I can suffer more by being ashamed of myself each week by confessing I've gained weight or stayed the same. Either way, it's a small step to losing my weight.

It's not like it's a bad thing either, food is just food, it's all about the exercise and I'm very much aware that I lack it right now. I recently discovered a gym in walking distance from me that I'm looking into attending when I can afford the monthly subscription, then I have no excuse to not lose weight when I am evidently making the effort on the exercise front, if I'm still not losing weight then it must be what I'm eating, somehow.

Anyway, blogs shall be included here now, and I will put down here my weight every week since April:

April 26th - 18st 12lbs (264lbs)
May 3rd - 19st 0lbs (266lbs) +2lbs
May 10th - 19st 0lbs (266lbs) -
May 17th - 19st 2lbs (268lbs) +2lbs
May 24th - 19st 3lbs (269lbs) +1lbs
May 31st - 19st 4lbs (270lbs) +1lbs
June 7th - 19st 1lbs (267lbs) -3lbs
June 14th - 19st 3lbs (269lbs) +2lbs
June 21st - 19st 5lbs  (271lbs) +2lbs
June 28th - 19st 7lbs (273lbs) +2lbs

As you and I can see, I've been gaining weight more than I should be and it terrifies me, I feel it and it's awful, I want to hide because I can't do what I was able to do a few weeks ago, it's getting increasingly difficult and I don't want to get back to 23st (322lbs), it made my life hell.

Encouragement is extremely appreciated, I know you're meant to do things for yourself, but there's a difference in receiving a lot of support, to having none and feeling like you can give up easily. I was 16st 10lbs at my lowest after my bypass, damnit.