Recently I have discovered just how closed minded people can be, I've also had some self discovery going on and it really shocks me how people are brought up believing monogamous relationships are the norm and it surprises me when people are accepting of gay people, but not the choice in relationship they have?
In my first proper relationship at sixteen I was paranoid of my other half and worried they would simply move on to be with someone else they found. I was concerned about not being good enough and I couldn't trust them once they started developing a habit of going to parties and getting drunk; I had been raised to avoid alcohol until I was at least the legal age of eighteen and that it was to be avoided after that for several reasons given to me, so I had been put in a state of fear of what it could do to people and yet he was drinking it at sixteen and getting drunk, this was a dangerous world to me and I worried about all sorts of possible paths it could lead him and us too.
This caused us to break up and my second relationship wasn't enough for me because I still had this need of giving my lover everything I had to give and would devote everything to them because I had so much love to give, possibly down to the way my life had gone to result in this, who knows.
Anyway, several years down the line and I learnt that I couldn't be happy with a closed relationship after a very serious relationship when I was twenty, after that I just wasn't completely happy and finding myself feeling guilty and worried whenever I'd get close to anyone else and I liked them as much as my boyfriend at the time, or could see it going that way and had to quickly end the friendship, I resorted to isolating myself because I didn't want to get hurt by those friendships that I couldn't help but want more, I still loved my boyfriend and he was always what I considered as the 'main' lover, but it felt wrong to want some freedom and choice in my relationships.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that the majority of people prefer to stick with tradition and have one lover in monogamy, I think it's great, fantastic and sweet for them to feel and be that way, so long as it makes you happy and you're confident in your choices you've made then where can you be going wrong? Don't let other peoples opinion bully you into questioning yourself either.
What I can't tolerate are people who won't see past monogamous relationships and/or their religious values to it all and expect me to be pushed into accepting I'm in the wrong for who I choose to be and that I'm defected in some way or a slut of some sort. Even if I was to be a 'slut' that's not a bad word if you actually use it properly, it's a definition and not a word to offend people if you get it right and it really winds me up when it become a stereotype and everyone can agree upon it because they are used to the standards brought up of monogamy.
I treat the choice in relationship you have as the same choice in sexuality, it's what feels right for you and works for you, if you're happy as a result and things are peachy then that's absolutely fantastic that it works for you because a lot of people don't really realise they could be polyamorous and that what they feel is wrong, but I can only hope they realise that it isn't, it's just what society has formed as the normal healthy stereotype of how it should go.
If you try to explain someone how your open relationship or polyamorous relationship (or both) works, then they question it and feel confused and try to relate and compare it to the closest thing they know in order to get to grips with it and try to understand how someone can be happy with this compared to the fantastic life of a 'normal' relationship, or in my experience they may even just out right not understand it and immediately label it as something wrong.
I've recently established my first official open relationship without the problem of my other half being reluctant to agree to it, I had told him I couldn't commit to one person because I loved another and he accepted this. Soon after that, he came back to me to tell me he was comfortable with this and could live with it which made me happy. I couldn't try to be monogamous any more after spending months being single and doing a lot of self thinking along the way.
But six weeks into the relationship and it has been amazing, I'm still settling into it and discovering just how many different types of trust I've lost in people, the more I discover I have locked away, the happier I feel about everything and more confident that this isn't going away and we completely trust each other with how we feel and the people we want to spend time with outside the relationship itself, it is fantastic to be accept to be able to love others or want fun with others and I don't feel like I'm defected in any way as a result.
So how is this a bad thing in other peoples eyes? We do the same as a monogamous couple and we have a huge amount of trust, respect and honesty between each other. We can't afford to be ashamed of anything we think of or want to do because we can accept and talk about it with each other and I actually think a lot of monogamous relationships lack this and are more reserved by it.
It is an emotional connection more than a physical one, to gain the loyalty, trust and reliance of the person you love is much more important than wanting to keep them to yourself, whether because you're paranoid you're not good enough for them or because you feel your body should only be shared with one person is up to you, but this is the choice that suits me best and why should I be judged as someone 'wrong' for this if it makes me and my boy or girlfriend happy? Please explain this to me.
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