Today started off alright. Lack of sleep put a dampener on it but my partner made it worth it. I had plans and had started to do the housework. Determined to get everything done that I wanted to do.
Called my nan to catch up with her and she updates me that my a relative is going back to hospital ext week to see how much work they need to do to treat her early cancer.
On top of that, another relative has early signs of cancer now too.
My family is a small one. They don't want to know each other. I feel I only have my grandparents that raised me. Once they're gone, I'm all alone because no one seems will want to stay as a family and do family things, even talking.
Then my last ex partner I was with for 7 months and developed a heavy dependence on popped by unannounced and the shock from that made old habits come back and I loathed myself. Telling myself off for not answering the door properly, for breaking a lightbulb when I went to get the bag of his stuff, for not reacted and saying things properly.. Just everything. It was horrible.
Then this evening has been quiet. I've wanted my partner round so much, but have had to appreciate his alone time to play games and relax. But I can't see my make friends because he would worry, so I behave and stay indoors, not getting the rest of what I wanted to do get done.
I managed to paint a model in the end so I feel better for that, but I hate the world and myself right now
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