We're put into existence and this is all we know. This is now and our lives and we question it. We get afraid of it and create ways to keep us going because we are so afraid of the meaning of it all.
Now we are coming to the point where things are being explored, we are populating the world and making it eventually uninhabitable and doing the world a favour by being wiped out of existence, it's the worlds way of saying it wants us off and it's the ultimate decider on our lives in order to keep the balance.
What I want to know is what created this existence, this being of life that is deemed so important to us, only for life to be taken away as easily as it's created and all that's gained is pain and sorrow because we were given the capability to love people that give us more reason to be grateful for what we have while we are here.
Are we waiting for something? It always feels like we are, but existence itself is terrifying, we are here being alive.. Oh Jesus Christ, it's absolutely awful for me to even get that deep in thought, my body tingles and it's real terror that goes through me when I get that lost in thought, I challenge it sometimes like now though, I challenge to get deeper into that rabbit hole of insanity that seems to be what our brains block out and accept life as something so simple.
That's what fuels the thoughts that define me though, that also make me afraid, that makes me want to do what I can in life because currently I do nothing with my own life, I know I have a lot of limits and I'm not born smart, my upbringing caused a lot of mental blocks and issues, but I still don't do anything unless I've got everything I need in order to do it; mostly friends and the money to create the motivation to lose weight and not give up, to keep going to the extremes because that's the quickest way to do it, not plod along at a slow pace when I have plenty of time available before I lose it.
It's also why I value my friends and my loved ones, why I feel capable of loving multiple people and being physical with them, that's the most intimate thing I can do with my friends, by joining my mind and body with them.
When in a relationship my soul is with them as well, I put all my energy and my whole being into those few minutes of forgetful bliss. But my friends are the ones who I revel being with and to have, to lose them or not see them is painful for me, I miss them and I fear losing them in any form, I fear they will never understand how valuable my friends are to me.
The world keeps going on, but we die on it.. Mother Nature is immortal and if we were also immortal then we would destroy her, she has to keep going for some reason only she knows, but we are there to maintain her while she maintains us and everything else. So we have to hold on to each other once we have bonded and love each other. People are never ever to be taken lightly when we need each other, I know this too well.
Money is only necessary when making sure your sprogs will live with some safety net around them, other than that, it's for making the most of your life and helping those you care for in it. That's what I feel.
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