I decided to write a blog about my experience of being 25 years old just so I could remember the important things to me in the last year, I feel it's more sentimental to write this at this point in time than at new years because new years.. is just generally a new year where you want to be better the next year but still need the motivation to do so, so it's another excuse to try and fail but sometimes succeed.
So my birthday last year was lovely, I had friends round who were important to me and I had a boyfriend who surprised me with a meal at a Chinese restaurant I was curious about and to see Resident Evil 5 in the cinema, I had visited the post office in the morning to get something as well, so I had some exercise on top of that. I also had an amazing nyan cat scarf which I sadly lost almost two weeks later when I went to see Radiohead with my ex in London.
Seeing Radiohead was amazing and something I cherished, but I had been emotionally ripped open by dealing with problems with my ex from the relationship him and I had, to top it off, I had missed my last train, my phone battery had run out and I could not find a socket to charge my phone and call someone to help me.
I managed to get to Reading then get home thanks Adrian and Sue, two good friends who were my superheroes in my time of absolute terror at the idea of staying outside with nowhere to go for a few hours because the train station needed to shut.
My boyfriend at the time and I split up and I moved back to Hampshire for a day, then the next day I moved back to Swindon with all my possessions I had packed the day before, I had freaked out at the idea of being back with parents and felt I needed to try one more time with him, I also couldn't let our ferrets live in freezing weather conditions out in the garden.
November and December had two LAN events I attended which were enjoyable and drama free as far as I can remember, they were a bit of a blur for me, but I did meet someone who has now become the closest, dearest and most loved friend in my life who has supported me ever since we met.
Strat LAN in December did bring some terrible news though; my 17 year old shih-tzu Rosie, had to be put down because she was collapsing, weak and life was simply not enjoyable for her anymore. I will always remember waking up in the grand stand and a few minutes later I received a call from my nan which was unusual for her, I knew it was going to be bad news and couldn't hold back my reaction to the news after hanging up, I had friends around me at the time and for the day to support me through that and in some ways I'm glad for it, because I will never be able to have closure on saying goodbye to Rosie.
Christmas was nice, spent with the boyfriend at the time and his family an received some amazing presents and cards, I had not expected presents and I was excited to be able to afford some presents as well, I still wear the watch I was given and everyday I appreciate the Terry Pratchett calender his parents had bought for me, those were the two that really meant something to me, I also had a lovely bath and that point in time the bath was much better than the one we had at home.
New Years was spent at my parents down in Hampshire, I remember I was feeling a bit anxious so I used my old PC to use Google hangout and celebrate the count down to midnight with a few friends from the LFGG group mostly, it was nice and I felt less lonely about it.
The beginning of the year I re-homed our ferrets which was heartbreaking, I loved them to bits and they're my favourite animals, to have been given the opportunity to look after ferrets has no words that could get across how happy it made me. They were absolutely menaces sometimes and you had to be careful of them biting or escaping, but they were loveable, silly and hyper.
After that, I moved back to Hampshire with my parents who had recently got a puppy who shared my birthday, another shih-tzu named Dolly. She will be a year old tomorrow as well and I wish I was as lively as her, perhaps not as hairy though.
Job hunting and getting signed up to the job center became my priority as I wanted to get back into work, in February I had a job with Nationwide as Data Entry for four days, I managed to get this job and start it the next day after quitting a job at a nursing home for advanced dementia as it was too much for me to deal with, but Nationwide made me redundant after four days as I could not type numbers quick enough into a number pad to meet my morning deadline and did alpha so well that it took the other temp workers job away from her, leaving us both with nothing to do. I admit I'm somewhat proud of that though, it was a pressuring job.
I had been sanctioned for six months by the job center the previous year because they lost the proof I had of applying to a job and the company they asked about it had said they did not have any idea about myself or my boyfriend at the time to have applied, leaving us to struggle with little financial support until I moved back to my parents which scared me.
Once I started to get paid and look for work, I had interviews I attended but never got a job, last week I managed to get a job but it wasn't what the job description said and my anxiety was left to overwhelm me, I am still getting over this.
I managed to attend three Strat LAN events and i48 as well as i49. i48 was brilliant and i49 wasn't so great, but I did manage to overcome my anxiety which caused me to be at the crying stage just before doing a shift I signed up to do, in the end I actually enjoyed it and felt a lot more confident and enjoyed the working experience with customers, I was always busy which I love and I had people to ask if I wasn't sure what I was doing, everyone left with a smile and that made me smile and be confident as well.
I did have a relationship with someone else for about six months, it was iffy at one point and in the end I realised I couldn't deal with commitment to someone, I was always justifying my thoughts and feelings because I wasn't really ready for it.
I did do a Starcraft II fundraiser with my friend Tom in May, he dragged us through the last few hours of it and I even had a three hour nap after being too weak to carry on with it. We raised over £250 for the Special Effect charity and I was very proud of Tom for doing it all. It felt good and I hope to do more fundraising like that.
I love my friends and I know I love others more so, I have things to learn and rediscover about myself, and that is going to take a long time, I've got my friends and that's most important to me, I live for my friends because I don't want children and I will only get married if I lose a lot of weight, but so far this year I have gained 3 stone after losing 6 stone and I still have no job, so I don't see marriage in any near future since I have never been thin in my life, I have no idea what I truly look like.
I have had some really bad times being 25 and some good times, but I'm still here, the worse has been within the last week I think, but I had the opportunity to see most of my closest friends last weekend and have a good time, I hope my birthday turns out well, I did receive two incredible birthday cards at Strat LAN last week and I love admiring them, seeing who signed the group card and the effort went into creating it via Moonpig.com.
Lets hope 26 brings a good year, I think it's a big deal to have survived each year of your life and be able to say proudly that you're X years old. Why shouldn't you celebrate that? I know I am damn well proud of being alive for this many years and that is what a birthday is about for me; celebrate who I have in my life after this many years and hope they're still in my life for many more to come.
This is probably wobbly to read and not quite structured properly, but I don't think many people will want to read so much about something so trivial, so it's really something for me to look back on in exactly one years time, it's exciting and I'm a little bit nervous to see where I'll be this time next year.
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