Polyamorous rant

So I'm attempting to blog using the app on my phone this time and hope I don't get cramps from using the on screen keyboard, but I'm motivated right now to write about this because my feelings are focused on it.

Being polyamorous is like any other thing; it has its pro's and cons. The pros for me is that my family are my friends and I'm perfectly capable of multiple relationships. I like my independence, I've worked hard on it and I don't want to lose it because it's the key to everything in my life.

This isn't the same as sleeping around with just anyone. You go on dates, get to know them and when you want to take it a bit more seriously then that's where it gets complicated because you need to know each other and trust one another.

Sometimes you may not talk for days or see each other for weeks, but that doesn't change anything in regards to your feelings towards each other. Sometimes there's complications or one may require time to be alone or spend time with another lover, friends or family. It just happens.

It's a lot more casual and what I love about being polyamorous is precisely that. It's flexible and you can't really be very clingy unless your partners don't mind, prefer or enjoy that, but you may as well be in an open relationship when it comes to that, as you're not quite brave enough to learn to trust and have faith in others. Your partners WILL sleep with their own lovers and depending on the rules you've set with each other, they may sleep with fuck buddies or friends with benefits too. That doesn't mean that you're not good enough for them, they just feel like that, and sometimes it has it's perks because they may miss you more too.

The biggest con of being poly is when you're with someone that doesn't quite understand or get it. Those who suddenly have another partner without talking to you first to make sure they're comfortable with it because they think you can flit around and sleep and be with others especially when you're not talking with or seeing each other often and they start to have doubts or take for granted and/or forget what it means to be poly with someone due to this.

You always need to make it obvious you're in a poly relationship with someone because of this. Simply loving each other and telling each other doesn't mean you're in a poly relationship because you're not in a monogamous one.

I've made that mistake once, and I've been on the receiving end where one of my partners have suddenly gained a new partner, an actual relationship that I had no understanding or warning about.

I've experienced being in love with someone else but when it all seemed so good, I backed out and needed time and space to think and deal with my head. In this time they had fallen in love with someone else, gone to see them and got into a relationship with them. I wasn't poly with them, but I had told them I felt they could do with another lover in their life to share the love and affection that triggered a few demons in my head because I felt overwhelmed by it. I still loved them as much as anyone else I loved at this point, and it hurt like hell to learn I'd lost them to someone else completely.

It made me angry for several reasons; monogamy being such a mandatory law in the human life that this lover was breaking away from it then went straight into it as soon as he found someone compatible. Leaving me in the dark and feeling conflicted, hurt and betrayed because I was given excuses when I wanted to talk in person and ignored. That person I loved was gone and I felt thrown away and worthless.

The same feeling came over me when the first partner had started a relationship with another person without any warning. Although they were still with me and their new partner was okay with this, I still felt deceived and a fool because they didn't know that generally in a poly relationship with people,you talk to each other and then carry on without drama.

Trust is a huge part of part of polyamory, it gives us that independence, freedom, choice and much less stress from feeling like we need to pressure ourselves to meet a committed goal for our one singular partner. There's no room for jealousy but we know to talk about it if we do feel that way and not to be scared of it. It reduces the chance of cheating on your partner but it's still there if you go behind the rules you've set with each other.

I guess I needed to rant because I'm still hurting from the most recent heartbreak, it's the fact that if you get into a monogamous relationship with someone, you immediately cut your love off from other people you love and focus it all on that one monogamous partner. Hurting others that will hopefully still be happy for you because you are, but also following what you believe to be the person you'll need and love for the rest of your life and marriage will seal the deal, bonding you together in blood because you want to grow old with someone that won't leave you and will make you happy with each other and have children with so they can do the exact same.

Believe it or not, but it is possible to have children and be in a poly relationship,it becomes a bit more of an open relationship but children don't judge what they're taught, see and are introduced too. It's no different to gay couples adopting. The children are surrounded by people who love them and just because they're not connected by blood, mean that they're not family to those children.

My family are my friends, I've stated this in my previous blog post and I'll say it again because it's true. I believe my friends and mutually loved ones will always want to be in my life, as do I for theirs. What's so wrong with that? What makes it so different to monogamy that makes it so special and 'correct'?

I'm only ranting for the people who try to make me feel like I'm being judged as someone weird, strange, different and easily labeled as those things. End of the day I will never say monogamy is wrong, I only want people to understand it's not the only way, especially when you have to let go of others to apparently prove your worth for those who need to know they're the only one for you and vice versa sometimes. That path leads to obsessive bunny boilers too!

When you are capable and comfortable with loving many, then that feeling is absolutely amazing; like snuggling into a warm comfort blanket. When you're hurt by those you love for whatever reason then it can be much worse than your typical heartbreak because you're more vulnerable when you can love more than one person. It's difficult to understand when everything seems fine then it's not.

I shouldn't have to label myself in the first place, but people easily assume if you're with one person then they should avoid you or respect your relationship, but I hate that.